Tag: ttc journey

How I Cultivate Self-Worth in the Face of Fertility Challenges

(*Please note that the full article has been published in October 2018 issue of ROAR, Fierce Feminine Rising Magazine)

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I ask you to meet yourself with kindness in this moment. Put your hand over your heart, breathe deeply and send love to yourself. I know how much you need it. Lean softly into the calm intuitive wisdom of your centre. Affirm to yourself: I am worthy, simply because I exist. I have a right to be here, simply because I breathe. I am whole. I belong. I am enough. I value myself. I love myself. I accept myself as I am.

Say these affirmations as many times as you need to. Let the medicine of these words seep like healing honey into the depths of your soul. Now think of one kind or healing thing that you can do for yourself right now, and then focus on allowing yourself that loving gift today.

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 I see it every day – women who feel broken, worthless and betrayed by their own bodies. They are hurting, all the while making their best effort to smile, to heal themselves and the bodies that they feel stuck in. They are nursing their broken hearts on the path to fulfil their deepest desire, the path to becoming a mother. I understand what it is like to grapple with the experience of being a childless mother. I know first-hand how easy it is to turn the war inward, to internalise the sense of failure that you feel for not being pregnant and not yet having created the family that you long so deeply for. A simple thing – you tell yourself – that any woman should be able to do effortlessly. And in a society whose patriarchal gaze places little value on our empty wombs, one where your success is quite often still defined by whether or not you are married and how many offspring you are able to produce, how could you feel any differently about yourself?

“It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry about.” ~ Amy Poehler

In my case, it took hitting rock bottom at mid-point of what has turned out to be bumpy 6-year long TTC journey for me to see this reality clearly. Somewhere between descending the downward spiral of depression and trying to keep breathing through grief, uncertainty and shame, I started to see how my perceptions of my situation and of myself were harming me. As my longing for motherhood remained unfulfilled, I’d allowed myself to be defined by a growing sense of inadequacy. In addition, not meeting the social expectations of what a woman my age ‘should be’ eroded my self-worth. At my lowest point, I found myself at a crossroads – either I would continue on a very painful path deeper into the abyss of negativity, or I could rescue myself …

READ THE FULL PIECE IN THE OCTOBER 2018 ISSUE OF ROAR, FIERCE FEMININE RISING MAGAZINE…CLICK HERE

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30 pg digital
Click Here to Find Out More

 

Create Your Own “Soul Therapy Box” for TTC Self Care

Soul Therapy Box.

A little space for you to retreat to when you need some extra love.

Fill it with gentle things to comfort, ground and restore your soul on those difficult days when life feels so hard.

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How do you keep breathing through your hardest moments?

You know those days, the ones where you’re feeling triggered, where anxiety runs high and your heart is heavy with grief and longing? Those days where the stress of trying is taking toll on your tired body and you don’t know how to stay strong, positive or hopeful anymore?

Are you able to meet yourself with kindness?

You often tend to be hardest on yourself during those sticky moments when you’re plagued by feelings of inadequacy and are slipping slowly into the depths of despair. Yet, that is the very instance when you need to soften, breathe deeper and lean into the mothering energy of the inner nurturer.

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In my last blog post, I wrote about identifying your restorers – the soothing things that you can reach for when you are feeling depleted. Building on that foundation, a ‘soul therapy box’ is simple idea that serves a similar purpose since it is a self-care tool you can turn to when you’re in need of comfort and restoration.

I keep exploring different ways to integrate *TTC self-care rituals into daily life. I feel that this sort of practice is an integral part of creating balanced in our lives and restoring some semblance of harmony within. Emotional/mental distress is a very real by-product of a difficult (and sometimes traumatic) fertility journey, so having the right kind of support is important (both professionally and personally). It’s just as important to create supportive tools and healing strategies for ourselves in order to cope better. That means creating space to show up for YOU when you’re in a place of vulnerability, space to nurture yourself and to offer your inner self the balm it needs when the going gets tough. This is exactly what keeping a ‘soul therapy box’ has allowed me to do for myself. I’ll add that I recently created boxes for a few of my soul sisters who have experiencing a lot of stress lately as well. I was really moved by their overwhelming feedback, because it reinforced just how effective a self-care tool the simple act of keeping a ‘soul therapy box’, ‘care package’ or ‘rescue me kit’ is. In a small way it lessened their mental load, gave each of them permission to carve out more space to tend to/restore their well-being and inspired them to keep cultivating a daily practice of self-love. It really has reminded me once more, not to underestimate the profound impact that taking little steps to be there for yourself can have.

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What to include in your Soul Therapy Box:

You can include anything that you find calming, grounding and that helps bring you back to your centre. Here are some ideas of what works well for me:

  • Rescue Remedy (Bach Flower Essences) – I always think of flower essences as a gentle hug for my heart
  • Calming Essential Oils (Lavender – for relaxing baths, Geranium + Chamomile for my oil burner)
  • Soothing Tea (brewing a pot and taking a moment to breathe as I sip a cup is a therapeutic forms of meditation)
  • Gentle crystals to meditate with/calm my mind
  • A Love Letter/Pep talk to Myself (I found some beautiful botanical print cards to write some love letters to myself in. Think of all the encouraging things you’d say to one of your TTC sisters going through similar to what you are right now, then write all of that down in a heartfelt love letter to yourself. Write down everything you love about yourself + everything you have to feel proud of so that it fills you with good vibes/happy feelings when you read it in your time of need.)
  • Bath oils + Facial masks + Skin care treats for a little bit of pampering 
  • A Mini-Gratitude Journal – It’s so helpful to shift your attention to all the wonderful things that are already in your life when you’re feeling a little low. 
  • Remember to keep refilling your soul therapy box so that you continue to enjoy a nurturing routine that supports your well-being.

I added some nice chocolates to the boxes that I made for my friends (though not to mine since I’m trying to manage my PCOS/hormones/Insulin). So the idea is to find whatever will work best for you, whatever helps lift your spirit and restore your inner resources. When your self-care is a regular practice, then you begin to offset the effects of prolonged stress and distress that could otherwise become overwhelming. And while there are so many factors that are outside of your control, it feels empowering to know that you can take mindful actions to guide yourself back a place of balance in small but nurturing ways.

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Have you tried this out? What other supportive routines/daily rituals do you turn to nurture your well-being while TTC? Please share your experiences and ideas in the comments (or use the hashtag – #ttcselfcare on Instagram. 

 

[ *TTC – Trying to Conceive ]

How to Surrender Your Fear

“To engender a sense of freedom, lie on your back and enter into the moods of the sky.” ~ Chrissie Wildwood

The night was so hot and uncomfortable. I went outside to lie down on the grass, the soft green chest of the great mother against my back. I breathed in the dark overcast sky knowing that no Goddess kissed raindrops would fall from it. Bats flew, criss-crossing through secret sky paths above me.

I could feel the tightness of fear and anxiety in my body and the many things that I’m afraid of rising to the surface: Judgement and uncertainty. The fear that I may never overcome the challenges of PCOS or carry a pregnancy to term, despite my efforts to heal and balance my body or nurture my spirit. And also those debilitating moments when I’m so consumed by anxiety that I cannot do simple things that come naturally to everyone around me. Fear has a sneaky way of convincing us that only dead ends lie ahead, even when that’s the furthest thing from the truth.

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I looked up at the tree tops against the dark sky and inhaled their wildness. Their silhouettes swayed in the wind and I drew their freeing energy into the tight places of my body. Let it all go, whispered something in me. So, I tried to. I let my tension dissolve. I wanted to surrender to the night, to become part of it and to free the parts of me that felt locked in shackles. I needed to embrace my fear, surrender to the flow of love regardless, trusting that it would guide me forward to a more nurturing and positive truth. As Gabby Bernstein’s puts it so perfectly in The Universe Has Your Back, “By embracing my fear and surrendering my desire to be free, an even greater pathway to freedom is opened up to me.”

I realised that there is no fear in the wildness of things of the night, just a confident sureness, a deep Trust. So, I recognised that must be like bats who trust whole-heartedly in their inner guidance system to navigate them through the dark. I must trust my truth and the sound of my own voice the way they trust their screeches to reverberate through the quiet air and then return to them as a sounding board. And I must shake off my fear like the wildness of dark tree silhouettes on a windy evening and guide myself back to the confident space of love, trust and hope for new possibilities.

I inhaled the coolness around me and felt myself loosening up, aware of the sense of ease growing within. I remembered how in many difficult moments, surrendering to energy of the Earth and trusting in the Universe offered me refuge and insight, and I felt grateful that these glimpses of wildness have carried me beyond the fear and home to myself again. As I listened to the sky, it seemed to look back down at me and say: “Surrender…Be fearless like the wild night.”

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“The practice that will serve your highest good is the practice of surrendering to the love of the Universe.” ~ Gabrielle Bernstein

Meditation for Surrender: Centre yourself with a few deep breaths. Relax your body and clear your mind. What fears are unsettling you right now? What is causing you anxiety? Take note of what comes up and then set the intention to surrender these fears and anxiety to the Universe. Let it all go. Visualise everything being released from your body, from you mind and your soul as you surrender and let go. Feel the tension melting way more and more as you release. Now think about the more positive thoughts and feelings that you would like to cultivate within yourself. What are they? How do you want to feel? Allow yourself to continue to surrender your fears and replace them with more nurturing beliefs that bring your peace of mind, calmness and joy.

Affirmation: I surrender my fear to the Universe. I choose a loving perspective that serves my highest good instead. I choose to think good thoughts that nurture my soul and help me connect to feelings of deeper peace.

(*Revised/Recycled Post)