When You Are Here

There is no chill in the breeze this morning, only the heat of the early sun beating down. It seems like a good day to wear a dress. My garden is ablaze with wild morning light and it’s too warm for the jersey I’m wearing. It’s early for this kind of weather, yet here we are.

The bamboo chimes sway slightly. They offer gentle notes of music…tinkle, tinkle, tinkle… There’s a sense of anticipation in the air, the one you get when you know that something wonderful is about to happen. Somewhere inside me dormant wild seeds are bursting back to life. Winter slowed me down, lulling parts of my into a deep slumber. Now I feel a revival taking place within.

Something about the light, the breeze and the sweet chiming sounds makes me wonder things. Like what it will be like when you are here?

You, my dear child, son, daughter…or both.

I think of you often. I feel your spirit around me too. I love you already. But I want to know, what will it be like to see you, feel you, hold you and know you in the flesh?

Will you squeal with delight when we walk out into the garden, saluting the sun, collecting herbs and giving thanks to Mother Earth, to the Goddess? Will you love the feel of wet grass under your feet?

And your hands, those tiny precious hands. I see them in my mind’s eye all the time. I imagine them kneading with me, scattering flour on the kitchen floor and leaving little imprints in the dough when we bake our weekly loaf.

These thoughts stir whirls of joy in my heart. They give me hope. I know that you will come when you are ready. Being patient isn’t easy, but yes, I must not lose faith.

I came across a quote by Nancy Levin yesterday that says: “Honour the space between no longer and not yet.”

I took it to heart. While I want you to be here more than anything, you are not yet. In the meantime, I need to remember to honour this space in-between, to accept it as it is. I need to stop seeing it as an eternal waiting room of separateness and instead cultivate wholeness, softness and the right kind of readiness to receive you into. I need to focus on cultivating the kinds of qualities that allow me to become wild mother I want to be to you. 

That is what I will do. Something tells me that the more I peace find in this space between, the sooner the day will come when I awake up to discover that the ‘not yet’ is the present and there you will be in my arms. Until then, I carry you in my heart.


Walking the Path of the Wild Mother

How has January been unfolding in your world? Are you finding your feet in its novel wildness and stepping into the new you that 2015 is calling forth?

I hope so.

I’ve been a hermit in my own space, cocooning and incubating ideas and intentions. I’ve been breathing in the warm azure skies, drinking in the summer rain and enjoying the slow pace at which my wild essence is emerging in this fine January. It seems life lies before me, a blank canvas waiting for me to create something beautiful with the colours and contents of my wild heart. So, I’ve been taking my time in deciding what it is that I want to create.

My wise inner voice keeps whispering in gentle hushed tones – “Be still. Dream. There is no need to rush.” And I am heeding these wild whispers. This has been a recurrent theme for me for several months now, and I think I’m getting better at listening to what my soul needs.

By now, I’m sure that many of you have found your word for the year, identified your cored desired feelings and mapped out your goals. What word/s did you choose? What have you decided to work towards, manifest or focus your time on?

It took me a while to find a word focus for 2015. In the end I decided on a two-word mantra – ‘Wild Mother’.

Last year, my word was Birth. I’d hoped that focusing on the vibration of that word would invite two things into my life – birthing my book, and birthing my baby. While I am grateful that one of those came to pass, publishing my book, Wild Essence, my pregnancy didn’t go as I’d hope. So this year, my attention is geared towards my deep soul desire to become a mother.

A Kundalini healer once told me that the process of conception, pregnancy and childbirth is about wild abandon. She said that this involves releasing fear and surrendering the need for control. It’s about releasing a restrictive mindset and attuning to the flow of the Universe, as well as drawing out the inner wild woman. That makes a lot of sense to me, hence the choice of words for my mantra.

I feel that in the last couple of years, life has been bringing these lessons into my experience in many ways, especially when it comes to the lessons and wisdom I’ve stumbled upon through my connection with the wild Earth. As you know, I’ve been exploring ideas of wildness for a while. I’m now devoting myself to consciously delving deeper into what wildness and motherhood mean for me. I am inviting the archetypal energy of the Wild Mother into my consciousness.

As I set out to walk the path of the Wild Mother, I invite a few allies to journey with me – Goddess, Great Mother Earth, Archangel Gabrielle, the ancient Grandmothers and the guiding light of all those who embody divine femininity. Those who can light the path for me, walk with me and catalyse the healing and inspiration that I need along the way.

I have no idea how walking this path will unfold. I know that it won’t always be easy. But I am optimistic and remain hopeful that it will unearth a chest of positive and inspired blessings.

And so the journey begins….

wild mother