The Hidden Flowering

I sent out the first Wild Moon Letter this weekend, the new format of my newsletter that I’ll be sharing every New + Full Moon. Right now, it makes sense to share whispers of grace this way because I tend to forget about my newsletter often. Since I’ve found a way to live close to the cycles of the Earth and the moon over the last 3 years or so, I’m hoping that the timing of these new wild moon letters will keep me in a more natural pattern of flow, so that I connect and share on a more regular basic.

In this letter, I spoke about flowering light and the insight that a few lines from Galway Kinnell’s poem, Saint Francis and The Sow, inspired in me. You see, I came across the piece a few days ago and it touched something deep within. It reads as follows:

“The bud
stands for all things,
even for those things that don’t flower,
for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing…”

I use the Full Moon as a time to contemplate the dreams I’ve carried from seed, to bud, to flower through the lunar cycle. So as I reflect, celebrate and release at this time, Kinnell’s words have reminded me to look deeper into the journey taken.

Some things flourish, while others don’t always pan out the way we expect or hope for. Over the course of the past 13 moons, many beautiful things manifested for me – from publishing my book and to travelling, to becoming a home owner and many blessings in-between. Every day I humbled with gratitude for all that I have.

There are other dreams too that have yet to come to fruition.

Taking my cue from Kinnell, I’ve chosen not to see these as failures and instead to trust that they are buds flowering from within. They must be in some way, because they’ve taught me lessons in the process, helped me grow and led me deeper into my relationship with myself, with the Earth and with the Divine. They have exposed my shadows and shown me deep fears that I’ve been hiding from myself. They have called me to examine my life and realigned with my authentic intentions, reminding me that some things only flower when they come from that authentic inner essence.

Some of these buds and parts of me may require just a little bit of time, love and nurturing, or perhaps as Kinnell goes on to say:

“ though sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing its loveliness,
to put a hand on its brow
of the flower
and retell it in words and in touch
it is lovely
until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing”

So this Full Moon, I shall sit with my buds, both those blooming outwardly and those flowering quietly inside to honour them and explore them. I will look into how they need to be nurtured or reminded of their loveliness. Or I will release them if they call me to let go. I will sit with myself too, searching the dark corners of my essence for secret flowerings and speaking self-love and light into hidden buds.

Will you join me? Will you lean into your truth and the beautiful flowering light of your heart? How can you make space for the buds, things and places inside of you that appear arrested in development but may actually be flowering from within? And if need be, are you willing to reteach them their loveliness? 

everything flowers

Sometimes the Only Way Forward is Inward

I soaked in the dappled light that filtered through the trees. Splays of sun and shadows danced over my body while I sat down to meditate and journal at the water’s edge.

My favourite spot.

I hadn’t had a chance to come to this place since I’d been back from my holiday, so I was grateful for a moment to rediscover the magic of this natural space. It was the beautiful, grounding soul medicine that I needed to bring me back to my breath and to myself.

I noticed that the place wasn’t as lush and vibrant as it usually is in January. I hadn’t expected to find some already yellowing trees and a ground full of dead leaves in the middle of summer, at least two months earlier than usual. Yet, there they were. While the elderflowers, white stinkwoods and willows were still singing the lush melodies of mid-summer, around them so many of their companions had skipped ahead to autumn.

The more I reached into the energy of the space, the more I saw that there was a special wisdom about the fallen leaves. They had a lesson about self-preservation in times of struggle.

autumn in summer

Trying times, like drought in the case of these trees, often call for drastic shifts in order to sustain and nurture one’s inner being.

Sometimes the only way forward is inward.

You may have experienced this at one stage or another. There reaches a point during extreme periods of struggle when life calls us to draw our energy inward. So, we retreat into our soul space to gather strength, healing and deep inner wisdom to carry us through to the other side. Struggle causes you to sort through what matters most. To survive, one must take only what you need, what nurtures and inspires your being and leave or cast aside all that is unnecessary.

To a tree in a severe dry spell where rain is scarce it means shedding leaves and heading into a dormant season months earlier than it normally would. Depending on what your circumstances are in the midst of a difficult time, you have to ascertain what it means for you. You are called to sift through questions like:

What is important to you? What can’t you live without? What mends, soothes and keeps you sane? What do you need to release from your life in order to survive?

It may be necessary to de-clutter or shed old patterns and distractions so that you can realign your authentic intentions in your life and work in a way that serves your true wild and gentle nature or essence.

What modes of self-preservation nurture you through traumatic or challenging times?

autumn in summer1

My Year of Answered Prayers

New Moon greetings!

The world was magic this morning. Although the sky was clear and blue when I woke up, the trees still glistened with diamonds, residue from yesterday’s rain. I lay in my bed for a while, just watching the quiet garden through the window. A cool breeze flowed in, making the sheer curtains dance to its slow soothing rhythm. In a time of drought and El Nino, I had to take some long deep moments to just savour this scene. I don’t know when it will come again.

I’ve been in a space of reflection, allowing and dreaming for the last couple of weeks. A bout of illness that kept in bed during the days building up to the New Year made sure that I stuck to my intention of a slow and centred start to 2016. The dormant phase was necessary because in it’s wake I’ve felt myself rising hopeful, focused and ready to move forward, and especially now with the new lunar cycle.

I searched long and hard for the words that will guide me through 2016 and the energy I want to draw to myself. In the end, it was “Answered Prayers” that settled into my chest and tugged at my heart strings. Last year, my words were “Wild Mother”, words that stimulated a profound shift in my life and that drew me out of my comfort zone in so many ways. I’ve been in awe at how some of the desires I’ve held for so long have manifested in the last year (I’ll explore this more in another post). I feel I owe these blessings to the powerful creative feminine force of the Wild Mother energy. But it also brought with it an emptiness and an acute awareness of the one missing thing in my life – the child I wish to carry, birth and mother.   

So, a few weeks back I found myself at risk of falling into the trap of counting the unfulfilled dreams and desires in my life. Infertility has a way of taking you to those places. I know it all too well. It’s a road that only leads to depression and feelings of being forsaken. It’s a path I’m not willing to walk because it will only advance a swift descend down an already sinking spiral.

That said, as I evaluated the space I was in and contemplated what I want to feel this year, I knew I needed something that would steer me away from the potential danger of being stuck in a place of lack. When I stumbled upon the words “Answered Prayers” they seemed to fit snugly into my emptiness. I saw the words in three different places in a space of a few hours – a sign speaking directly to my heart.

There are three things that made them feel right for me. In order for prayers to be answered, I need to pray. I need to be in communion with Spirit, with Goddess. I like that these words keep me centred in relationship with sacredness and remind me to make space for divine intervention to work magic in my life too. Secondly, I have to ask myself: What am I’m praying for? This question calls me to be intentional, specific and to offer prayers from an authentic place. It requires me to focus on what I want to manifest, feel and experience, not what I don’t want. Meditating on answered prayers also draws my attention to my blessings and what I am grateful for. Gratitude is a deeply healing tool as I’m sure you already know. It’s a touchstone I really need at the centre of my life right now. Starting January off working through Rhonda Byrnes, The Magic, is helping me do precisely that, to be immersed in the vibration of gratitude.

So this is my Year of Answered Prayers.

Do you choose words of focus or mantras for the year? What are your words?  

answered prayers.jpg