Going Back to My Roots

I knew that I was home when…

The scenery shifted from dry Highveld grasslands to rolling green hills. An air of mystery came alive. The mist and light Spring rain descended upon us while we cruised along the winding mountain pass. Cows strolled leisurely on the road before us, forcing us to slow down – a clear signal that to adjust to the relaxed pace of rural life. I was greeted with the all too familiar scents of indigenous forests, sugar cane fields, wild flowers and cow dung when I rolled down the car window. We passed a group of little kids collecting piece of burnt sugar cane that fell from a slow moving truck – just the way I used to when I was young. These scenes capture what life was like in rural KwaZulu Natal during the early years of my life. Each time I return to these parts, a space in my heart opens. Feeling so connected to bygone times, my childlike sense of wonder is reawakened.     

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 I felt so blessed because…

I got to spend my weird and wonderful family, with my gran, catch up with my cousins and reminisce about our childhood. We gathered together as a family to honour and celebrate the memory of my grandfather and aunt who passed on a few years ago. It was an emotional, but beautiful experience – packed with great food, lots of laughs, meaningful moments, long walks and some fun games too. This is the stuff that precious memories are made of.

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I was reminded that…

My passion for Mother Nature was inevitable. I was born a to be a flower charmed child and grew into a nature loving soul. My first playground was my grandparent’s jungle-like garden. Almost everything grows well in Eshowe. The humid subtropical climate creates a haven for both plant and animal life to thrive in. So my earliest memories are of running wild among the trees in the orange orchard, climbing the frangipani trees, picking ripe avocados, paw-paws, cherries and bananas, cracking macadamia nuts and picking coffee beans to be roasted. We grew herbs and kept chickens My cousin Justin and I played with frogs, explored the indigenous forests and waterfalls, chased the monkeys, dodged snakes and looked for crabs in the river. We were never bored. My grandmother has been a keen and resourceful gardener and herbalist for as long as I remember. At almost 80 years old, she is still at it – growing flowers, herbs, chillies and making killer pickles and chilli preserves.

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 A small moment of Grace showed up when…

I made a bit of personal “pilgrimage” to visit the church that my grandfather built more than 50 years ago. Although the church is no longer being used, I was happy for the opportunity to sit in the pews, say a silent prayer and have a quiet moment of meditation. (more on this in an up coming post)

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A Writer’s Inspiration

“Writing is like making love. Don’t worry about the orgasm, just concentrate on the process.”
~ Isabel Allende

In recent months, I’ve been in the beautiful and messy process of writing a book. I’m not sure if I’ve always dreamt of author, but writing has always been a big part of who I am and how I express myself. I remember secretly crafting little stories and poems on piece of paper from as young as 8 years old. I’d tuck them away safely under my bed and only share them with friends who I trusted.

The experience of writing a book has been interesting. I am discovering that it requires a great deal of patience, confidence and dedication. It isn’t a clear cut process. Ideas constantly evolve, new perspectives creep in and the urge to go back and rewrite different sections is constant. I hate loose ends. I like knowing that I’ve completed what I started and that it can be scratched of my list. Writing short pieces gave me this satisfaction because it is a concise process in which the path was clear and the end was in sight. So book writing has been quiet an adjustment for me.

At the moment, I am happy see things finally taking shape. The exercise has stretched me. It has called on me to trust myself more and to allow the Universe to guide me. It has forced me to connect more to my heart space and to flow with Divine Spirit.

Finding inspiration is important in helping me stay motivated.  When I am stuck in my ego or give power to my fears, things stagnate. When I surrender and go with the flow of creation, then inspiration and guidance always shows up. Nature has been an incredible source of inspiration. I begin most days by meditating under the pale blue sky in my garden. Those moments of stillness always trigger incredible insights and a clear focus.

Another source of inspiration showed up in a book that I discovered a while ago. A few years ago, when I worked as an Environmental Research I began collecting out of print South African books, life histories and memoirs from the 1800s. I’m fascinated with the historical stories that they told. I also wanted to understand what the natural environment looked like when the European settlers arrived before natural habitats were destroyed for development or cleared away for farmland.

One of the books I ordered was called The Hippo Poacher. According to the bookshop information, it was authored by Oliver Walker. Imagine my surprise when the book arrived and I discovered my great-great-grandfather’s name –Domenic Dunn – also appeared on the spine of the book right next to Oliver Walker’s. It was so exciting to discover that he co-authored the book and also assisted with the research for a novel that Oliver Walker wrote about his father.

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The unexpected discovery inspired me. Each time I see his name on the spine of the book, I feel motivated by his example. Somehow it makes me feel that if did it then I can too. It always reminds me that I want touch people’s hearts with the words that I share. I want to leave a mark that inspires others, and my future children especially, in the same way that he’s achievement inspired me.

Each one of us has so much to offer the world. I love being reminded of my purpose and of my potential to impact on others with love and inspiration. I am hopeful that I will be able to do this with my book when I eventually complete and publish it. The possibility of it excites me and in my heart it feels that it was meant to be.

Guest Post: Meditations with the Three Me’s by Emma Happy Light

Note: Last week I had an amazing Energy healing session with Emma. During the session, I was introduced to the ‘inner me’, the fragile and fearful inner child self who needed lots of love and gentleness. Intrigued by the session, I invited Emma to write about her fascinating insights on the three aspects of the self. 

                                      Guest Post: Meditations with the Three Me’s by Emma Happy Light

My journey of healing began with the healing of others. I had many interesting sessions with my clients, I ran around the room like a crazy person with my sword of fire (On loan from Archangel Michael), battling the scary entities for the sake of my clients. I felt brave yet scared of these dark energies.  During one such session, I grew tired of the fighting. I threw down the sword of fire and sat on the couch (the client sleeping peacefully and unaware). I told the entity, ‘Do your worst, I’ve had enough’. From rearing up in all its dark shadowy glory – it suddenly dissolved into a normal man, but of shadow shades and it asked me, ‘What, aren’t we fighting anymore?’

‘Nope.’ I replied, ‘I’ve had enough. Do your worst. I give up.’

‘Oh.’ It said and we sat peacefully in silence for a few moments.

This seemed odd, so I asked it, ‘why aren’t you attacking me anymore?’

He explained, ‘I am your fear times 10. Whatever negative belief you have, I am obligated to amplify it and reflect it back to you.’ Now this is very interesting, as when I gave up the fight, when I stopped resisting his darkness, the darkness left. It was never there to begin with. I created it by being scared of it. My taught belief system had pre programmed me to be scared of entities / demons / darkness / the ‘shadows’

This entity, it turns out, was a really nice guy. He explained that nothing hurts us without our permission. He showed me that the client wanted him to be there and had subconsciously called to him and created a contract binding him to her. He said he wouldn’t mind leaving, but he still had work to do. I asked him what would happen if I removed him and he shrugged. ‘Well,’ he said ’You will remove me, but not with her permission. She will subconsciously call me back and we will start the cycle again, just a lesser version.’  In parting, he showed me the chord of attachment binding the two of them and put the knowledge into my mind that the chord would only truly be dissolved (permanently, not temporarily like forced chord cuttings) when she was a 100% aware and a willing participant.

This has taken years to process and digest. The result of all this thoughtful chewing has lead me to some behavior that might come across as a little bit loopy. I internalized this information and realized that it is not all out there, but in here. But what is in here?  Just me. Ok, how many me’s?  Just us three. (There are actually many more, but I chose to only focus on the main 3 personalities)

  1. Inner me
  2. The me we see
  3. Upper me

The three of us sit on one single long table. On my far right we find Inner me. On the far left is Upper me. And in the middle, we have the Me we See. We are forever caught on this see-saw, us three.

*Inner Me is scared, sad and angry. She is all the life hardships jam packed together into one energetic little bundle. She is the inner child, her age changing with each situation. She unintentionally hurts ‘the me we see’ with her fear which manifests physically as illness or pain. She creates all the contracts with the entities. The entities are never there without her permission and will only leave when she believes she is safe and also wants this change. The contracts are created during moments of trauma or fright as a child and they play out throughout our lives.  They were her way of protecting us when we needed help. Don’t hate her, she was very brave.
She fights and attacks perceived threats. This is closely followed by hiding under the bed and sucking her thumb. So this shows that she is a fragile vulnerable child. Upper me says all she deserves is love and soft gentle kind attention. She needs to be respected, heard and honored. The Me We See must listen.

*The Me we See has no patience for Inner me. She is annoyed and angry with her. She wants to get on with things. The cognitive mind has read amazing things and imagines that she is so capable and that this stupid energy block (inner me) must be removed at once so that she can get on with being instantly fixed and healed. She is stuck in the middle between beautiful gentle loving wisdom of Upper me and the fear and playfulness of the Inner me. She swings between worlds like a pendulum, sliding from one side of the table to the other.

*Upper me smiles softly and embraces us both, she understands us and is without judgment. She explains that she is part of the network of all living things. She is the connection that we all seek, her higher energy a goal to seek. As when we can feel it, it is euphoric. But she will not take away the lost alone feeling, so searching for the permanent euphoria from an upward source will not help. The three of us together in combined loving energy will accomplish this.

I asked Upper me to explain why it seems to generally be only Inner me, or the me that we see, that is in control of the body / words / actions. She showed me in a vision of Inner me scared and said, ‘When Inner us is scared, you’re sitting closer to her. Why don’t you comfort her?’
‘But why can’t you help? The Me we See asks
‘We are a jury, the highest vote wins. You are caught up in her fear, you feel your heart racing. Therefore you relate more strongly to her than to me. That means that I have been outvoted and the behavior that follows will be the result of her leading. 2 out of 3 wins hands down every time. Patience. With practice and over the years to come, Inner us will calm down. As long as she is paid enough loving attention.

Oh ai, this topic is very detailed and complicated. I am trying to simplify something that I have been channeling for 3 years. The easiest way to understand this is to see me in person or to book a skype session. Because it is absolutely guaranteed that during your session, Inner you will pop up out of the woodwork. She will introduce herself and will have a lot to say. She has been ignored for too long now. We will honour and respect her and only do what she is willing to do, as we can not force a healing on the inner you if she doesn’t want it.

Sometimes I feel like the aim of life is to learn how to love both sides equally, so that the table that we 3 share is shorter and we sit close to each other holding hands. Teamwork. Team me.

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About Our Guest Author:

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Emma is an intuitive and energy healer based in Stellenbosch, South Africa. She is the creator of the Oracle of Colour oracle card deck. To find out more about Emma,  her services and the products that she offers you can visit her website: http://www.happylight.co.za or Email her on: emma@happylight.co.za